


Always Will

by onlyhereforellick



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, sequel to Too Late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21839038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: Ellie felt so light, and so free—this is what it feels like, this is true love.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	Always Will

**Author's Note:**

> go read Too Late first! 😉

Nick had left.

He’d actually left.

Up and gone with the new year. Vance said, and Ellie quoted, “He put in a request for reassignment to under cover effective immediately.” And left it at that. Nothing more, no explanation as to why. But Ellie knew why, a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach told her it was her fault.

Several months ago she lied about a note, several months ago she singlehandedly destroyed the best thing to ever happen to her. All because “ _she didn’t know_ ,” she thought snidely to herself. She wanted to smack past Ellie sometimes, but right now- now she was just broken. That heartbreak she thought she felt when Nick walked away and said he wouldn’t wait for her? Yeah, it was back- with a vengeance this time.

See, Ellie had gotten comfortable. At first, there was a bit of awkwardness between them. Nick tried to move on with Selena, and Ellie with Richard. Then they both split and the flirting returned. Neither spoke of Ellie’s lie, it was the damn elephant in the room. And Ellie being the coward she was, let it happen. She had somehow convinced herself Nick had forgiven her and had decided to wait until she figured her feelings out.

Then Ziva came back.

Ziva and Nick had all of one conversation, one- if Ellie’s observations were correct. And it was like a switch flipped, Nick went from flirty and close to cold and distant in the blink of an eye. He’d completely shut her out without any explanation, and frankly, she had no idea what to do about it. Surely, Ziva hadn’t spoken ill of her- not after everything she laid on the line for the woman. So then...what?

Both Ziva and Nick went their separate ways almost minutes after they closed the case—Ziva to finally reunite with Tony and Tali and Nick gave some excuse about seeing Lucia and Amanda. Ellie had let the lie roll of his tongue without argument, she had figured she’d let him simmer down over the holidays and Ellie would discuss it with him after they got back to work.

Yet- here she was, reporting for duty on January 2nd, and Nick was nowhere to be found. Well, that wasn’t true, he was _somewhere_ , but no one, not even Vance knew where. It was above all of their pay grades; somehow the director of NCIS hadn’t even been read in on his assignment.

And that had been that. The team went on as if Nick was a hiccup, barely a tear shed before moving on to discussing probies. Ellie felt like a ghost of herself, going through the motions with a gaping hole where her chest used to be—practically a chasm, threatening to swallow her whole. She was not prepared for the intensity of heartbreak, never in a million years did she think it would be so...empty, drowning, lonely.

* * *

Butterflies lilted in her stomach, the only bright side to another dreary day. Ellie placed a gentle hand over her midsection, pausing on the busy DC sidewalk to take a moment and breathe. Every time she felt the butterflies the rush of emotions warred to overtake her. _Her baby boy._ She felt like sobbing uncontrollably, she felt like hugging her middle and never moving, she felt like a thousand stars twinkled down on her, and yet- she felt never more alone and isolated. It overwhelmed her every day.

Nick had gone into deep cover a few months after leaving Gibbs’ team. Ellie never recovered. She regretted not speaking her feelings the moment she realized them. She regretted lying about that stupid note—you know, the one that was still hanging in the delicate frame over her mantle. A daily reminder of what she could have had.

A few months turned into a year, and a year turned into several. Ellie had reached her breaking point several New Years’ back, when he still had not been heard from. Stupidly, every New Years Eve she thought, _maybe this year will be the year, maybe he’ll come back for me._ And stupidly, every New Years Day she was let down.

* * *

_‘Pregnant’_

_Staring at the digital screen reading off just one- not two- little words back at her, Ellie wanted to vomit._

_Pregnant._

_With some guy’s baby. She couldn’t even tell you his name. Fuck._

_Her drunken escapade a few months ago had led to apparently much more. On the fourth anniversary of handing over their ‘Cody’ to his adoptive parents, Ellie had lost it. She’d gone out to the bar to forget, ended up in the arms of a random guy, and had slipped out before the sun broke. Sobbing the entire way home, Ellie knew she had hit bottom. The memories of Nick were too strong staying stagnant where she was. And what did Ellie do when the emotions were too much? She ran._

_Ellie requested a transfer back to NSA as soon as possible. She needed off Gibbs’ team and away from the thousands of reminders of Nick._

_Three weeks later and her security clearance went through, Ellie was officially back as an NSA analyst._

_But now she was pregnant, with a new team, a new job, and no support. Fuck._

_If she hadn’t been close to breaking, she might’ve seen the irony in it all. Conceiving on the anniversary of having to give up the first baby she’d loved. Beautiful irony, in fact. If only, it was under different circumstances..._

* * *

She’d named her boy Cody, it was the only memory she wanted to hold onto of her past life. The only shining light in a history clouded with darkness and despair after Nick left.

He’d be a year in a week, and Ellie had nothing planned. Mom guilt plagued her, but outside of daycare, Cody and Ellie didn’t have anyone. Her old team didn’t even know he existed, she’d cut off all ties the moment she transferred to the NSA. She ostracized herself from her family in Oklahoma—sure they knew about Cody, but they’d seen him maybe once or twice. Besides, Ellie’d been wrapped up in a high stakes assignment the past month.

Naturally, she’d been assigned to the Middle East to make good on her precious connections and Pashto. When they’d discovered an opportunity to infiltrate a quickly up and coming terror group, she’d pounced. The gathering of intel and delicacy in which they had to would occupy Ellie’s every thought. Effectively minimizing chances of thinking about _him_.

* * *

It had all come down to this moment, this final sting for the team. They’d finally tracked down the leader of the cell to a remote village in the mountains, all thanks to an agent on the ground. Ellie and Leather Swan—his code name was all she knew him by, it was a strange one but she had learned to just not ask with NSA at this point—where only able to communicate via encrypted messages. To her knowledge, he knew nothing of her just like she, him.

Their limited discourse told her all she needed to know though—he was short and to the point, closed off and cold, harsh and clearly scarred from his past. _It’s probably whatever he was running from_ , Ellie initially thought to herself. She knew why agents went undercover, it wasn’t for shits and giggles. You went under to _get away_ , much like she did with the NSA.

Ellie stood in the back corner unseeing at the scene unfolding in front of her in NSA’s version of MTAC. She witnessed the seal team swarm the house and take the leader captive alive without feeling. A tiny part of her was thrilled they’d captured the horrendous excuse for a human being. Another, much larger part of felt empty, like it had for quite a while. A win like this just wasn’t the same without her team, her family by her side. Sure- she had Cody but he was only barely a toddler, he couldn’t speak. She couldn’t unload the stress of her job on him and get any response other than the excited baby noises and clapping as he waddled around the living room.

Ellie’s eyes had glazed over as she wallowed in her corner, until her partner addressed a new figure on the screen as Leather Swan- thanking him for his years undercover leading to this moment. Her partner asked what was next for him at the same time Ellie honed in on the figure’s face.

_Nick_.

Ellie’s back went ramrod straight, frozen in shock staring at a face she never expected to see again. A face weathered by the years but just as handsome as she remembered. A face that clearly had not seen her in the room yet. Nick’s voiced piped through the monitors as he started to reply to her partner and Ellie’s knees weakened.

_I can’t do this, I can’t go through this again._

Finding the strength to move her feet finally, she tore out of the room. Tears already streaming down her face at the rush of emotions that came with seeing Nick again.

_Nick was Leather Swan. Ellie had been talking with Nick for months, literal months. And she didn’t even realize it._

The thought made her want to vomit and cry and disappear all at the same time. Rushing through the office making up excuses for her hasty exit, Ellie just left. She drove aimlessly, she didn’t know where to go. Cody was at his nanny—she would take him during these long-hour missions until Ellie was released. She could pick him up...but she was in no right mind to be taking care of a baby at this point.

She drove to Gibbs’ and slowed as she got close. Pulling over to the side, she saw the house dark and his truck gone—clearly they must have been working late too. She thought about going in, but chickened out at the last minute, _who knew if she’d be welcome anyways..._

* * *

Nick had just seen a ghost, that was the only explanation. It couldn’t have been Ellie- no. Besides that was the NSA, she hasn’t worked there in ages... _right?_

He signed off and promptly pulled out his phone to call McGee. And immediately remembered he hadn’t spoken to them in years. Yes- after this mission, he had been cleared to return to some semblance of normalcy and leave undercover ops, but still. It felt...strange. He didn’t just pick up the phone and hit up McGee anymore. He had no clue if his number was even the same, no clue if he still worked at NCIS, no clue if _Ellie_ still worked at NCIS apparently.

_Ellie_.

Once the woman who he would move mountains for. The woman who captured his heart and never gave it back. The woman who he finally pictured forever with. The woman he had to run away from.

It had been a painful decision, but at the time it seemed right. Now- now, he wasn’t so sure.

Seeing her blonde locks shocked him- that he couldn’t deny. But when he looked closer, he saw the frail stature, the waif of a woman she’d become. Something was eating away at her, and damn him if his heart didn’t lurch for her.

His flight was booked within minutes. He reached out to the other partner at the NSA as his next order of business. Under the guise of wanting to send his long-time contact a thank you gift, he got Ellie’s address. _He’d have to discuss privacy and safety with the man another time..._

* * *

Waking with a start, Ellie found herself slumped in her driver’s seat along Gibbs’ street at six in the morning. She’d never gone home and now would be late for her debrief. Turning the engine over and peeling out of the neighborhood, she missed Gibbs’ curtains fall back into place at the front window.

Ellie went through the motions at work, feigning interest in their stats from the night previous. Briefly enjoying the win of capturing a man that evaded them for years, before realizing she’d just been told to go home early as celebration.

She dragged her feet the entire walk to her car. Falling into the seat with a heavy sigh, she prepared herself for the assault of memories she knew would come the moment she walked in her door. She may have moved, but there were still items that reminded her of Nick. Little things that would seem silly to others, but no- to her- they were precious. They may bring heartbreak every time she looked at them, but she could never throw them away.

A text from an unknown number came through seconds before she took off. Her breath stilled. It read, “ _Go home, Bishop. Sleep, you need it._ ”

It could only be Gibbs, it screamed Gibbs. _He’d seen her and given her the distance she needed, but the support she craved._

She audibly sighed and started the trek home.

* * *

Unlocking the door, Ellie was in haze. She threw her bag on the floor, hung her rumpled jacket from sleeping in her car the night prior on the hook, and flung her shoes off into the corner. Flipping on the hall light she padded down towards the kitchen before finally looking up and being stopped cold.

A shadowy figure stood by her mantle in the living room, back to Ellie. She instinctively reached for the gun that no longer sat on her hip. Panicked her eyes searched for the next best weapon, landing on a steak knife in the sink.

She inched around the island to advance on her intruder before a low voice addressed her, “Put the knife down, Ellie. We both know you can’t throw them for shit.”

Her lungs constricted as Nick slowly turned around to face her. He looked so different and so familiar- it threatened to rip her in two.

Nick took a few steps closer and continued softly when the words just didn’t come for Ellie’s, “You still have the note.” It was the last thing she expected him to say, and it took her off guard. “All these years...” he moved in front of her and gently removed the knife from her grip, “and you kept it.” He paused as his gaze searched hers for an answer, “Why?”

Ellie swallowed nervously and dropped her chin to stare at the floor, “I’d always hoped.”

Nick remained silent until Ellie glanced back up at him through wet eyelashes. “Hoped for what?” he whispered.

“Hoped you’d come back. For me.” She took a deep breath in for courage before it all came tumbling out, “I realized the moment I asked you to wait for me I loved you. And then you left- for good- and it almost broke me, well, it did break me. I spiraled, I hit rock bottom,” she scoffed at the thought, “I had a _baby_ and I don’t even know the father. And I know you could never love me now, not after everything that happened, but I just- I have to tell you. If I could go back and fight for you Nick, tell you I loved you, that I _still_ love you- stupidly- I would. Nick I—“

She was cut off by his lips crushing hers. It took her but a moment before returning his kiss with years of pent up longing. Each of them saying all they couldn’t with words in that kiss. The regret- the love- the despair- the relief.

Breaking away and panting heavily, Nick pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. “Ellie I’m so sorry,” she opened her mouth to interrupt him but stopped when his expression changed. “I’m so sorry I left. It was cowardly, plain and simple. I had to get away, then too much time passed, and then I didn’t know how to come back. It might take time to work things out, but Ellie I love you. I always have and I always will.”

Her heart soared despite her head telling her to be cautious. She so wanted to go all in, to finally get her forever with Nick, but...”You heard me say I have a baby, right?” She asked so quietly she barely could hear herself. The shame in her voice palpable- not from Cody, no she loved that little boy with her whole heart, or what was left of it when Nick disappeared- but the shame in not even knowing the father’s name, that did her in every time.

Nick cupped her face and stroked her cheek, capturing a lone tear that escaped, “Yes babe,” she felt butterflies at his old nickname, “I heard that part. And Ellie, I can’t wait to meet him. I’m sure he’s just like his mama, and that is a boy I know I’ll love,” Nick assured her with the most genuine smile she’d seen on him in ages.

Ellie felt so light, and so free— _this is what it feels like, this is true love._


End file.
